I need to reinvent a system for keeping myself in check. I can’t think of a single thing I haven’t tried in past; pomodoros, gtd, time boxing, what not. They all work for some time, and then stop working. We find flaws in systems pretty quickly; we find cracks, make excused to let us do the easiest thing, the laziest thing.
No matter what system I would adopt next, it all wears off soon. This is a wheel that has been reinvented countless times. If only world was so simple that what works for one would work for all. I need to build a system unique for myself; considering factors that might not have existed for those who predate me. Things that I didn’t include earlier.
I never considered change to be a part of any of my systems. I should this time. I believe most things work because of the new tools/techniques/whatever they bring on plate. A new lifestyle, a new toy, or just a different way to do something. As soon as the newness fades away, it becomes a chore to do. A cognitive load that I finally throw away with a deep breath.
I wonder how I’ll integrate change. To make it an ultimate changing system, may I should adopt the actual digital nomad lifestyle. Travel around all the time. A month here, few weeks there, keep hopping from city to city. But then, I don’t think I am a traveler kind of person. I like it more when there is less chaos outside my mind.
Another important thing is the hunger for growth. I have an unquenchable thirst for growing bigger and bigger. Bigger in everything. I am not a competitive person though, I don’t like competing with others. With just myself. I believe it is a good thing. Most satisfying is when I grow my skill set, learning something new or getting deeper into what I am already familiar with.
But I wonder if it should be used as a carrot, or as a central piece of the system. Using it as carrot would be like having a 2 hour slot to study something after the day’s work is done. For making it a central piece of the system will require me to find either:
- New things to learn from within what I am currently working. Or
- Find work for what I want to learn/strengthen
I am seeing people leaving me behind, in the race I don’t know I belong or not. A friend just got a job in a startup with very smart people. I envy him for the work environment and team he’ll have there. May be I’ll start looking for a job in May. Or just enter the wilds of freelancing, leaving the mothership of faceyspacey. I don’t know. But that would be an easy workaround, not a solution. I might get into a team of people smarter than me, but not now. Not before I learn to orchestrate this chaos in my head.
These problems have been with me from the very beginning. I thought I solved them when we were in that pressure cooker with celebvidy. They seemed to be a thing of past when we were doing 18 hour days a year ago. But here I am facing them again, half dead. Or living dead may be (the problems, not me). I know I have nailed them, it just need a final push, the last piece of puzzle.
I don’t like it when I waste a day like I did today. I need to develop a real good system for myself, a system that will consume least willpower and provide maximum satisfaction.
- Decision making
What to eat lunch, which cold drink, which snack. Fuck.
- The feeling of “not enough freedom” I have living in the hostel
- Forcing myself to do things
- when I actually want to do something else. Oooh new shiny language/framework, so cool. I wanna do that, and I am stuck with Meteor. I can code this shit in dreams.
- Change in my tools
A new cool mode in Emacs, some new sexy modification I do in settings, some new cool way I invent to do something that was repeating
- Knowing my tools better
- Talking to someone new in a friendly way.
If this backfires, it keep me drained for days though.
- Seeing 8:00+ in the hours worked today
- Knocking more tasks from my todo list than I actually plan to
It is funny all these things that give most satisfaction at the end of the day are most hard to do.
I am making this a blog post. Will be funny to read in future when I have conquered all these problems.